Beyond the Friendship Stage

One of the questions our readers asked was: What does the Bible say about dating?  Believe it or not, the Bible says nothing about dating.  Back when the Bible was written there was no such thing as dating.  What we would consider "dating" is actually a modern concept and a product of our culture, which Joshua Harris covers well in his book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".  In chapter three he discusses seven problems with dating.  Some of the main points he makes is that dating steals time, energy, and thoughts away from our relationship with God and doing what we believe God wants us to do with our teen years.  Rather than spending our high school years worrying about a relationship we're in, or hoping that a certain guy will ask us out, it would be way more fulfilling to spend our years as a single teenager with the goal of serving and glorifying God.  Joshua Harris says: "I believe that dating has tendencies to swerve that don't go away just because Christians do the steering.  And even those Christians who can avoid the major pitfalls of premarital sex and traumatic breakups often spend much of their energy wrestling with temptation."  It seems that dating isn't worth the time and energy which too often steals from our focus on God.

What if you want to be more than friends with a guy?  I believe the most important thing in this case is to develop patience.  As a freshman in high school I developed a huge crush on a senior guy from my youth group.  Over the course of a year I became more and more infatuated with him.  I thought God had destined me to marry him.  By mid-sophomore year he was all I thought about.  He had become my idol.  But rather than sit back, pray, and trust God to work out what I thought was His plan, I forced conversations with him and tried to make a relationship happen between us.  Eventually he told me he didn't share my feelings.  I was crushed.  I had wasted a year of my life thinking, talking, and journaling about him.  So my advice is that if you want to be more than friends with a guy, you should pray, spend lots of time in God's Word, and realize that the guy you like in high school may not be the one God has for you to marry.

Tough Questions from You

We received some tough questions from some of our readers that we would like to cover before moving onto our discussion about guys.

Question #1: How do I reach out to a friend who I know is being abused by someone?
Probably the most important thing you can do for your friend is to have her tell someone she trusts what is going on.  If it's someone outside the family that is abusing her, encourage her to tell her parents, otherwise have her talk to a youth pastor or even the wife of the youth pastor.  If your friend is being abused, she shouldn't walk through it alone.  A trusted adult needs to know what is going on.

Question #2: How do I recognize when a friend, boyfriend or family member is physically or vocally abusing you?
If you are questioning whether you might being experiencing abuse, then you probably are.  In this case too, you need to talk to a trusted adult (a parent, youth pastor, or wife of the youth pastor, etc.) about what is going on.

Question #3: How do I find God's help in these situations?
As difficult as it is, please realize that God is with you!  Spend lots of time in prayer, talk to God constantly, read your Bible, and get support from friends and trusted Christian adults.

Question #4: Is it okay to be friends with gay and lesbian people?
Yes!

Question #5: Does God really love the person but hates the sin?
Absolutely.  This goes for any sin.  The Bible says: "But God demonstates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).  God didn't wait for us to get rid of our sins before He decided to love us.  On the contrary, He came down to earth and died for us while we were still sinners!

Question #6: Is it okay if I hang out with the bad kids to be a good influence on them as long as I'm not falling into sin?
It is not wrong for you to hang out with the "bad kids", so the answer is yes, it's okay - however, the Bible tells us that hanging out with friends that are involved in things that are bad can cause us to follow them into sin.  Evaluate your motives for wanting to hang out with the "bad kids".  It's easy to say you won't fall into sin, but it's also very easy, once you get comfortable around the people who are sinning, to becoming strangely comfortable with the sin itself.

There's a quick Q&A with some of the tougher questions our readers have posted.  Be sure to check back again soon for our upcoming posts on guy/girl relationships.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ

We asked our readers to comment and tell us what they would like to read about on our blog.  You commented and asked several questions about guy/girl relationships.  We will spend the next few weeks covering those questions.

Our first few questions involved how girls should act around guys and whether or not it was okay to be friends with them.  I recently read a book by Joshua Harris titled I Kissed Dating Goodbye.  He covers this question well.  He says that guys and girls should be friends “Because God tells us that as Christians we have a built-in level of commitment to each other as ‘brothers and sisters’ in Christ (1 Timothy 5:1-2).  We’re family.”

In one of his letters to Timothy, Paul gives him instructions regarding his various relationships with the people around him.  He tells Timothy: “Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and with all propriety, the younger women as sisters.”  Paul doesn’t tell Timothy to get rid of his relationships with girls, but rather to treat them as he should, as his sisters in Christ!

God wants us to look to the example of Jesus Christ for what our human relationships should look like, whether they’re guy/girl relationships, family relationships, or friendships.  Joshua Harris sums up well the purpose of relationships: “They’re not to be about getting, but giving.  Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us.”